Fitting in

Why is it that some people are more popular than others? Because they are more beautiful or smarter? Or is it just something that makes everyone want to be around them?

I am definitely the one who feels out of place all the time, like I don’t fit in anywhere anymore, especially in school. Especially since fall.

You know why?

Oh of course not. How could you? I rarely mention that. It’s because all my friends are in the same school as I am but in different classes. So that mans that I almost never see them. And that’s where my problem is. I am just drifting more further away from them as the days pass by. They find new friends. They move on.

But I don’t know how to do that.

I don’t know how to get so close with someone who I can tell them all my secrets and know that they keep them. I don’t trust people.

So I am alone. I spend most of my weekend at home behind my computer or reading. Of course it may sound so cozy and nice but when it’s been like this for over eight months, you’ll get really lonely.

I can never blame them. They didn’t do anything wrong.

But I want to fit in. I want to go out with my friends on weekends.
I want to laugh from the heart. I want to laugh until my eyes are tearing up. Until my face and stomach hurt from laughing.

I haven’t done that for so long. And I really miss it.

If you have any suggestions or tips on how to get over these kinds of feelings, I am all ears.

Where to find me | YouTube | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Snapchat – greeteratsep

Miks on nii, et mõned on lihtsalt populaarsemad kui teised? Sest nad on ilusamad või targemad? Või on neis lihtsalt midagi lisaks, mis tahab panna teisi nende läheduses olema?

Ma olen üks nendest, kes tunneb, et nagu ei sobi väga teiste hulka, eriti just koolis. Eriti alates sügisest.

Tead miks?

Loomulikult mitte. Aga kuidas sa saaksidki? Ma ei räägi sellest just kuigi palju. Igastahes, kõik, kellega varem suhtlesin, on nüüd küll ikka samas koolis, aga erinevates suundades ehk siis ega neid väga ikkagi ei näe. Ja siit saabki mu probleem alguse. Ma tunnen, et ma eemaldun neist iga päevaga üha kaugemale. Ja nad leiavad uued sõbrad. Nad liiguvad edasi.

Loomulikult ma ei arvagi, et kogu maailm peaks minu ümber keerlema, ma pole nii enesekeskne. Ma tean, et neil on on oma elu ja see lihtsalt on nii. Kuid see ei tähenda, et ma igatseks neid. See ei muuda kunagi seda tunnet.

Aga ma lihtsalt ei oska seda.

Ma ei oska inimesi usaldada, mistõttu on ka raskem sõpru saada. Ükskõik kui väga ma ka tahaks.

Niiet ma olen üksi. Ma veedan peaaegu iga nädalavahetuse kodus kas siis arvuti või raamatu taga. See võib tunduda mugav ja tore, aga pikapeale see enam selline pole. Ning see viib mind pideva üksinduse tundeni.

Aga ma tahan sobida kuhugi. Ma tahan olla vabal ajal koos sõpradega. Ma tahan naerda kogu südamest. Ma tahan naera, kuni mul hakkavad pisarad voolama. Kuni mu nägu ja kõht juba valutavad.

Ma pole seda nii pikka aega teinud. Ma igatsen seda tohutult.

Kui teil on mingisugust nõu mulle, kuidas saada sellest tundest üle või nippe kuidas hakata inimesi uuesti rohkem usaldama, siis ma olen üks suurkõrv.

Kust mind veel leida | YouTube | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Snapchat – greeteratsep

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4 thoughts on “Fitting in

  1. I find being ” alone “, to be something more and more people struggle, even myself, I tend to feel more alone then not these days . The truth is, you are never really alone. Learn to love yourself, find who you are and works for you! Don’t ever let the feeling of being alone stop you from living life or finding where and with whom you fit in with. We are all in this together.
    Best of luck girl! xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

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